On the outside I am cool calm and in control
Inside I live in a storm of fear, sadness and despair.

On the outside I do my job, fulfil my duties.
Inside I drag myself kicking and screaming to work because I dont want to be there, afraid of what might happen.
And kicking and screaming home because once there I dont want to leave to go home, afraid of being alone with me.

On the outside I appear better, I have moved on.
Inside, I am stuck, locked in a room with no escape from my demons.

On the outside I survived.
Inside I die a little more each day, afraid to live.

On the outside I try to help others get better, provide hope where I can.
Inside I have little hope left.

But still I try to bring the inside and the outside together before its too late, before the damage becomes permanent and the wheels stop turning.
Hanging on with no tears, because there are none left because that part of me is broken beyond repair.

Holding on tight to the stone that says HOPE in my pocket.
Knowing that I am better now than I have ever been, have travelled further along the road to recovery towards life than i have ever done, and trying to believe that I am not stuck here forever.
Holding onto the future whiteknuckled and alone.
I have to believe tomorrow will be a better day, with just a little peace - just a small part to help me make it through.
I have to believe that life can be better than this and be more grateful for what i already have. P7