No anxiety yet, but it usually doesn't kick in until around 2:30, just before the kids get home and they start getting ready to head to their dad's. I'm hoping to avert it this week.

I feel so childish, but I came right out and asked my daughter if I can sleep easy while she's at her dad's. She answered with a half-hearted "yes. He doesn't yell as much now that Wendy's moved in. I think she'd get mad." I lay awake most night's during the week they're with him, wondering how they're being treated, what mean things he's saying to them, whether he's even paying attention to them, and it seeps into all aspects of my life - work, getting out into the community, my appetite, whether I manage to shower that day or not....

Like Pat says, I'm giving him my power by ruminating on the "what's" and I need to stop doing that. I can't control what happens in his household, I can only try to minimize the after effects by making sure I and my kids have a healthy support system.

I had such wonderful plans this week to get us to some support groups, and that fell through as usual. Didn't have enough money to gas up the car, didn't get work done early enough to take off for 3-1/2 hours between driving and the actual group, my son had hunter's safety class (and would he pitch a fit if I even suggested we go to a group? Most likely. He hates change.) Now I'm hoping I can get myself to a group this coming week to get a feel for it, before taking the kids along. One nervous person is bad enough, I don't need to project those feelings on to my kids.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, though. I didn't file taxes yet. I'm going to owe about $10,000 since I couldn't pay anything towards quarterlies last year. I don't even have my deductions in order. I have laundry to dry, a change of clothes to run to the school for my daughter's sleepover, work to do, videos to return, a computer to finish emptying out so the ex can't access websites I've visited and all of my bank and credit card and other assorted passwords once I return it to him, a second computer to put the finishing touches on so I can do my work on that one.


OK, now I AM starting to get tingly handed just thinking about it, taxes especially.

Calm down, Shirl, calm down. You can get through this day. I PROMISE.