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Dec 28, 2008, 07:11 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Walking in the world with eyes wide open...
Posts: 2,497
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Turquoisesea,
Life is often a battle of "who done it?", and it isn't until we begin therapy that we figure out that it is way deeper than we ever realized. We are sorry that you are feeling such pain and depression during this time.
Being dissociative is a lot like daydreaming...well, sort of. Everyone does it, but not to the degree that we have gone to. Dissociative disorders are a way of life for those who needed to create new/different people in order to survive a very tumultuous and bad/scary/destructive past. In the beginning it is ok...they protected us, keeping us safe from the memories of the past. Even when getting into therapy, sometimes the host doesn't want to know, denies it ever happened, and there is a huge struggle to reconcile what happened in the past and start from there to understand the ways we were kept safe all these years. It is difficult at best...I can't describe the ways that our host is feeling, because her feelings are all over the place, and she trembles just thinking about what may be true. We all need to belong, to be affirmed, to know we are safe and healthy. But mostly, we are just broken human beings, ravaged by the past, and tossed aside like rag dolls.
We hope, that in therapy, you may discover what is true and good and honest and pure about yourself. You are a tremendous gift to this world, one of a kind, unique in your abilities and skills. Take time to be...allow little bits of the past to come to mind, and at the same time do not let it overwhelm you with its pain. When you can't take it anymore, put it away for a time, and then revisit it when you are stronger. It is a process, and takes a very long time. We didn't get this way overnight, and to expect to be better within a short period of time is unimaginable and careless in thinking.
May your uncovering of pain be visited by grace in the moment, and may you shine forth as you were meant to be.
 Beth
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others.
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