Walking through the house this morning. Suddenly felt a need to cry. Wrapped my arms around myself. Wanted to curse. Wanted to quit. Sudden feelings of unfocused guilt.

Then I saw a picture in my mind of the village where I almost died in combat and saw comfort in returning to that place to finish the work the enemy started. That would be the place to settle things permanently.

This is the first time I've seen anything like this. It makes me want to curse even more. They've reached through the years to affect my life and those around me. And saying this it makes me wonder which life they've affected, maybe both of them, the life that others see in me and the one hidden from sight.

Perhaps a visit to that village would cleanse me. It's scary. Is this the way it starts? Or is this the way it ends?