...Why can't I just stay happy for the rest of my life? I mean, of course there'll be times when i feel down, but not like this.. Please? I'm so fed up of the slippery slope and having that as the only thing I can see..

I really need a friend, or someone.. Anyone.. Who understands, who I can talk to, who will be there to listen and understand me and help me.. I need it, I really, really need it.. I haven't felt this need for ages and the days of crying and nights of crying myself to sleep are back again.. in a way it's a good thing, because it means I'm only into the beginnings of my depression, but I know it's not gone away.. I'm so tense, I can feel my neck aching and twinging from aching so much..

This hurts.. Feeling so alone, so unwanted and fed up one minute, then the next minute being really happy, bubbly, excitable and having fun, then all down and depressed, lonely again.. God, i don't want to slip down that road again, please! I beg you, me, anyone to not let me slip down that slope again. I can feel it and I hate it, I'm losing grip and I can't hold on until next Monday.. I see my cpn, hypnotherapist and doctor then.. i need to get out of here, i need to. I can't live here much longer. It's killing me, it really is.. I can't eat, sleep, drink or anything.. I can when I'm at Connor's, but when I'm here, it's a big no no. I can't do it.. I'm too depressed to do it.. I feel sick after eating earlier and I'm so tempted to throw it back up.. I'm tempted to get a blade again, but thinking about it scares me, thinking about all the trouble I could get into with Connor and his family, thinking about how I could lose the one person that's most important to me..

NOOOO!! Don't let me fall.. PLEASE?!!