Oh Tgr, I'm glad you brought that up. I tend to look at things from only my own short-comings, putting the blame on myself. You're very right, we all come into any relationship with our own hurts and pains, carrying whatever baggage we have from our pasts. I mustn't forget that.

As for myself, I don't harbour any hatred or anger towards anybody that has hurt me, rejected me and abandoned me. I know I'm *sometimes* not alone in the blame of a failed relationship I've had and that the other party involved has their own ownership for their own words/actions, but there are times I think I am the only one who is to blame. I am extremely open to people approaching me to once I had whatever kind of a relationship it was in discussing what happened or trying to re-establish the bond that was once there. I hold no grudges to anyone whatsoever. My door is always open and everyone is very welcome to enter within, without worry of being judged, yelled at, put down or anything else of the like. In fact, I would look forward to those in my past who would want to do that very thing. OTOH, I'm not sitting here waiting for something that may not ever happen either. Only they know how open they are to talk with me again. I don't think, even if others have made mistakes, that I think of it in terms of needing to forgive them or that they need to be forgiven. I don't know why I'm like that, as much as I've been deeply upset by the loss of somebody in my life, I tend to look more on what *I* did wrong as opposed to whatever if anything, in my eyes at least, to what they have might've done better to have a healthy relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one who has ever left me should have any fear of approaching me and hesitant of receiving a hostile attitude in return. It would not happen. I understand that we all have our own baggage and hurts in life and I never expect anyone to be perfect, that is impossible. No one can live up to being put on a pedestal of being the perfect one. I accept people, baggage and imperfectations and all. If I was unable to do so, then how could I ever expect to have any kind of relationships whatsoever?

So, yes they have a safe place of compassion, without worry of intimidation when/if approaching me. I'm a very open and compassionate person. I have no anger, hate or rage towards anyone in my life, no one whatsoever. As far as my neediness is concerned, that is the issue to which I'm currently working on. I have certainly recognized myself in being this way in all my failed relationships. That is the one that I was referring to when I mentioned that I have discovered that it is derived from the lack of love and nurturing as a child. I think it is probably the single-most thing that has ended relationships in my life, leaving the other party feeling very frustrated, unable to live up to and suffocated. I never want to repeat this, it must be stopped and now that I recognize that in myself, I think I can make positive changes within myself as to not repeat it in current and future relationships. But with that said, I'm only in the bare start on my journey to learning about my neediness and how to overcome it. There is much to be learned by the negative traits we find in ourselves. And with that learning comes growth, real growth. And that is the stage I am in my life. I do not EVER want to bring that ugly neediness into any other relationship and have the other party feel strangled. No other person should have to put up with it nor do they deserve to. Also, I'm very tolerant of the shortcomings that are within others. I do not expect perfection from anyone and they all bring their own hurts and and traits into whatever relationships they have in their lives.

This is why I'm hoping that this thread with be a learning place for not only me but for all of us. We all hurt in life, we all have baggage we carry from our baggage but we can all learn more about ourselves to lighten the load of said baggage, making for a more healthy relationship with others.

I do hope that those who have left me, don't feel afraid of connecting with me again, because they have nothing to be afraid of, absolutely nothing. I'm a warm, caring, compassionate and loving person and that will always be no matter what happened in the past. My welcome mat is always out. So they will not be met with any unforgiveness, intimidation, anger, rage, hate, bitterness. They will be welcomed with only loving, open arms.

Tgr, thank your for reminding me of the other side of the coin and your very thoughtful input.

Much love and peace to all.