(((Simcha)))) replying now since i am off and on at different crazy times these days, thanks a lot for your words andcares, for identifying and understanding.. getting it out is really helpful and with the others on the forums we are creating a co-healing that i am enjoying very much

processing the emotions, even though i can function, are still anxiety producing experiences for me.. i use meditations, visualizations, prayer, inner dialogue, and several other methods to manage my plate... i could choose to make my plate less full but there is a thing in me thats hard to describe... its something like a life duty to someone i havent seen in a very long time... i wont stop, cant stop.. will keep writing and talking and connecting with better health until i am gone from here, after that, i dont worry cause i feel its right to do the best things im capable in this moment... i get tired like others and feel sad that the hope was an illusion, ive felt spent and torn and upside down too... whats my choice tho? quit? not a good option so i just keep going...

Simcha, we dont do this work alone and we get little from anywhere that wasnt by way of someone somehow... thanks for being here