So... like a week or so ago Drew, my husband, walked in me when I had just finished self injuring. He wasn't happy to say the least. He took what I used downstairs to his brother and told him to keep the item out of the bathroom. Stewart (the brother) about hit the roof saying, "why? it's not like it was up for her to use!"

Drew's momma just said, "I didn't know she was still doing' that." (background info: before Drew went to Iraq he told her I struggled with it, and she told me "well if I ever find anything that I even think is evidence that you are doing it, I will tell Daddy and we will treat you like one of our own and it won't be pretty.")

After that happened, (the episode a week ago) I swear, I must have spent 3 hours crumpled up in Drew's arms bawling like a baby saying, "momma is gonna be mad." (I am the type person that can't stand confrontation. It makes me feel So very small and vulnerable. I cry just thinking about it) Drew was very comforting saying, "that's when you tell her I don't need a lecture momma. I need your support." (and I was convinced momma was get me alone and lecture me) But momma has yet to say anything else to me about it.

But just a few minutes ago... Stewart had the "tool" down here, and he was playing it. And I was getting triggered, and Drew could tell that I was so he asked Stewart to stop. And Stewart was like, "What the hell? Dude... it's like having a freaking two-year-old in the house. I can't leave ------ laying around... I can't leave -------- laying around.

Needless to say, I completely lost it and started bawling uncontrollably and tried to run away upstairs.
But Drew stopped me because he knew that if I went upstairs I was gonna find something and "do it" again. (and he would be right)
He looked at Stewart and madly said, while he was holding,rocking, and trying to comfort me "Thank you so much" and Stewart replied in a oh so sarcastic way "You're welcome." ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to think, feel, or do. I feel so... weak, scared, mad, depressed, hurt, little, vulnerable, etc....