Jennie,

Talking about what happened to you as a child is really hard. It is all so confusing, as child and as an adult. The way you were raised is so much a part of you.

I too was sexually abused as a child twice at age 6 and then from the age 9 until 17. Most of the time growing up I avoided the feelings of hate, guilt and frustration. I too protected my stepdad. As long as no one knew he would still love me, right? I am now 28 and it is still hard for me to talk about. There is a part of me that wants to care for him because he was the closest thing I had to a dad, but there is part of me that hates him.

You asked how do you know when you've cried enough? I wish I could answer that question for you, but I feel that has to come from your inner self. You have to let that little child inside feel safe. I have those days when I am safe but then there are days when I am not.

I wish you all the luck. This is something that no one should ever have to go through, Something that should not happen. Because it happened to you too, I am sorry.