Urges.. Horrid, horrid urges.. To cut.. And they're getting stronger and stronger everyday.. I just need to hold on until Thursday, when I'm not with Connor, then if I make it til then and they're still bad.. I'll try to hold on a bit longer, but I just don't think I can.. And I have no-one to talke to about it and I'm panicking and I'm worried and stressed and angry and upset and I just don't know what to do..

Everything's piling up too much again and I'm slipping down again, I swear it... I'm becoming withdrawn again, putting on better facades than i used to, pretending that all's fine and dandy and doing really well with it, not eating properly at all.. Being really destructive with walking in front of cars and such again.. Tempted to take anoter OD. My God, what am I saying? This is unbelievable! I'm losing it, I'm losing control...