I'm sorry you're losing yourself.
Someone... brought this up when talking to me here. Sometimes, to save yourself your mind does things that feel very strange. But you're trying to save yourself from the pain and suffering.

You're not alone.
Loads of hugs

Feeling pain everyday sucks... but keep working, and keep trying to find a way to fight it and make it go away, that's all we can do. If we give in, the pain has won. Don't let that happen.