Hey there,

Those urges are horrible so I'm glad that you were able to reach out here. It's important to try and use any support that you can when you're struggling. I can relate to what you're saying about helplines. That's something that I struggle with too. But, is there any e-mail helpline that you could write to? I know samaritans have one, is there one for a rape crisis or victim support? That could be something worth looking into.

You said that you don't have anyone to talk to and that you're putting on a face that everything's ok. what about trying not to put that face on for a while? Letting those around you know that you're not ok? I know it's easier said than done, but if you try it you might find that you have more people around you that care and want to help than you think.

Try and take things one day, or even hour at a time.