Hi Micah,
I read your first post this morning and just now got back to reply...
Now I'm even more freaked out...
First off, I am so sorry to hear what everyone is going through. Suicide in itself is so hard to deal with....but then to have the doubt of "what if it wasn't suicide?"
I went through the EXACT same scenario in 2001 with my dad. He and I were close when I was young, but when he died I was an adult with a child of my own, and it left me with so much regret, sadness, guilt, anger etc.... a whirlwind of emotions.... that on top of the fact that I couldn't accept the fact that he may have actually done this to himself (gunshot wound to the forehead) there were so many things in my step mother's story that didn't add up, and I along with my entire family suspected that she and her boyfriend had something to do with his death... the boyfriend made odd comments about how he would kill someone if he was going to..etc. SOOO similar to your situation. I wrote letter upon letter to the city police department to do something about it, please investigate further, etc... got records etc... but came up empty handed. I had no one to talk to when I got ready to about how I felt...so my biggest advice is let your son talk if he wants to, but don't push him... if he just needs to cry, or scream, let him do it. And I agree on the ceremony...I think he'd regret it if it didn't happen. So many hugs and much love going to all of you.