there's no way through this, i'm stuck. it's just enduring in the emotional torment until i become darkly numb again... and if i fail it's just back to the cycle - hospital, short stabilization, downward spiral back to where i am now, repeat until completion.
i'm so sorry. i long to talk with someone, but only drag you into this, i wish i had stayed away, but i just keep coming back because i can't stand being alone. maybe i should just be banned, but that'd be horrible too. at least i wouldn't be dragging anyone else down, though.
i'm so sorry if i've stepped over the line in posting this. i'm not planning anything yet... i just know that's where i'm headed... i'm sorry.