(((((((((((MissCharlotte)))))))))))),
I know what you mean when you say you don't know how to fill the hole, or abyss as I call it. How do I know what is me and what isn't? Do I go with how I feel or what I think? Is what I think just a defense mechanism, intellectualization? OR is that me?

I think it is also so incredibly difficult to have feelings from the past in the present. It can be so confusing! It's difficult because not only are we trying to figure out why we feel the way we do, we also have to think in the present and try to act in the present. Ugh, all of this is so disorganizing.

LOLOLOL, Chaotic. In line with your idea Chaotic -- MissC, you should interview your therapist -- go in and introduce yourself and say that you haven't found yourself yet and you need his help. Remember when we were talking about holding an "American Idol"-like audition (didn't we call it American Idealized?) for people interviewing T's? I think we had a lot of good ideas but don't remember them. I think someone recommended asking your T to sing to you, so here's your chance, lol. I hope you start feeling better. Being on the cusp of depression can be so daunting.

Take care of yourself.