We all are sorry to hear that you are having a hard time and are fearful of feeling like your sinking. You are on the right track from what I have read. we are proud of you for taking the steps necessary to keep yourself safe and are proud that you chose to share so much with us. The community here knows that sharing can sometimes be the hardest part. You are so articulate and aware that you are so far ahead of many others. I know that doesn't always feel like it helps much but you are ahead of the curve. Stay safe and use the trampoline and rope. If there is anything else we can do for you let us know. Take good care of yourself.