Sorry to hear you're struggling right now. I know it's hard to make healthy choices when things seem so intense but don't beat yourself up for feeling the way do. I know that feeling unhealthy can make us feel weak, inadequate and shameful but there's nothing to be ashamed of. I just want to thank you for all the help you have offered others in your long standing with this site and I hope to share some of the same wisdom that you have most likely shared with others. Sometimes it's hard to see it when we are in the chaos of the moment, but I wanted to let you know I am here and hope you find some peace soon. I hope you will reach out in whatever way necessary to be safe.