i just seem to be afraid a lot lately, it wears you down, wears you out, I am so tired of being afraid, afraid to reach out, afraid not to, afraid of myself, but i have posted here and that is a step in the right direction - i realise more of what is the problem - that should make it easier to deal with - but it just seems to sometimes make the mountain higher and not worth the effort of climbing. I'm just a bit down - i will survive because i always have.