A diagnosis is not likely to help you much at all, especially if you aren't going to get treatment. You might want to consider getting these concerns worked out before you get too set into a particular life path though. Becoming a priest or a nun, etc., can seem like an appealing way to escape from problems with relationship instability, but it won't make the problems go away. I've noticed that the things that I would rather avoid are the very things that are most important for me to face directly.

There are a lot of good self-help books, and most of them work if you do the work as they suggest. I have worked with a lot of books in conjunction with therapy. I don't know enough about you or your problems to tell you which books would be most appropriate for you. Some of the more thorough ones are Charles Whitfield's books (Healing the Child Within; A Gift To Myself, etc.). They are for adult children of dysfunctional families, and they will address emotional and relationship instability. But to really address relationship issues, you need relationships to work on it in. That's one advantage of therapy - there's your practice relationship.

Your description of your emotional memory sounds a lot like dissociation. Therapy, again, would be the way to work on coping with that. You might also look up "grounding skills." There is some good information on this site that you will find if you do a search.