It's not justice to me though, I see it as me living through this hell and having to live with it everyday isn't justice.. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.. I can see where you're coming from but it just makes no sense how.. Living with this for the rest of my life (yes I'm still alive but..) means I will have all those questions for the rest of my life, I'll never get them answered..

I feel so trapped, like a rat in a cage.. I really do.. It's all too much and I can take it anymore, I really can't..

I slept ok-ish last night, but that's because I was exhausted.. Still had to check my door was locked over and over again and kept jumping at every noise, even if it wasjust people running up and down the stairs.. I'm terrifieed and it's ruining my life!

Yet I can't talk to anyone face to face about it.. If anything, I'd rather tell my counsellors and other workers face to face what my feelings are, but I just wouldn't know how to start and how to carry it on and I'd stutter and stumble and probably just get upset with myself and maybe even just walk out.. I don't want to get angry with anyone there, or cry with anyone there, or be "whimpering" when someone's there.

This sucks.