I sent the link to this to Connor.. I asked him not to get mad at me, he saved the link, so I don't know if he's read it yet.. I've just asked him..

I know, I know.. OD'ing is the worst idea ever, weird how I say I feel like doing it even though I know it's a bad idea *is confused!!*

I already e-mailed R.E.A.C.H and they haven't replied and the samaritans aren't really taht much help. Support counsellors on another forum I'm on have been really helpful. I'm trying my best not to completely close myself off, but the more I do it, the more it seems like it's a good idea because it keeps me safe from everyone that hurts me.

Charlene, the girl that was really quite horrible to me about it, apologised to me yesterday. I knew exactly why the moment she said it. Any guesses? Because her and Sam (the witness) have fallen out. Makes me sick. So I'm talking to her, but still avoiding her as much as possible.. I'm avoiding everyone here as much as possible.

Connor's getting funny on me because I said I hadn't cut or anything, he asked if I'd done anything else. I said If I had I'd still be in hospital. He took that as me saying I was in hospital last night. ARRRGGHH!! No! I wasn't in hospital last night! I haven't been since the last time I OD'd which was 44 days ago.

I'm so chuffed with that, yet he said "baby.. always remember, it's not an option in my eyes.. you cannot do it.. because of what i explained before you know?"

I know that. I really do know that, that's why i won't do it.. That's why I'm forcing myself everytime I pick up a knife or anything else, to put it back down out of sight and do something like playing my guitar, writing songs, to keep me distracted.. I can't tell im anything without him taking it the wrong way.. What do I do?

This doesn't help me at all