I totally understand how it does not seem like justice to you yet. Goodness, sweety--this is all still so fresh! You've only been away for about a year and this last assualt just happened. The sad and hurtful part is that you'll never get an answer to "why me" because there isn't one, honey. What possible reason could they give? You are looking for an answer to why me that will put the responsibility for it on you--and it doesn't belong there. Give yourself time to heal safely, allowing for slips and falls...know that we are here to catch you when you do. You ae right--you do have to live with this your whole life. It's nothing you'll "forget" or "get over"....you'll learn to cope safely and move forward, though--eventually, honey. It is so so so important to talk to you cbt workers and others on your team about all this. Showing them this will start the conversation going...they will know how to direct it. Please, K--, be safe and know that we won't let you fall too far down that slope!