you can switch meds. I know you've done that so many times before, but if they're stopping creativity you can say you need a switch. That's one thing you can still try, one source of hope.
I hate when I'm so down all I have is computer distractions too. Stupid clicking of dragons even just x.x It's a hobby, when a hobby becomes what you are reduced to life seems pointless, if that's what you're saying. Doesn't mean you won't be able to. I know my case is different, I know I have not been struggling as long.... but there were long periods of time in the past few months where all I could/would do in a day was cut, go all weird in my mind like a different person acting like a kid or some icy kind of creature I didn't know, punch myself, whack myself with coat hangers, yell at my boyfriend, and do clickie things on the computer. Less than meaningless. I'm not better. I'm still there but, I've gotten JUST ENOUGH better that I can see what I'm going for again. I couldn't then.
Please believe you can find that too. I know it's been a long time. You need to change something - meds - therapy - something. I know it's hard. Please, there are still things that can change you back into a happy person.
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barely getting through school if i'm getting through at all, can't work, can't even keep stuff up around the house or figure out bills and crap. i've tried everything and there's no way out.
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first, you're still IN school that's better than I can say. they put me on a medical leave cuz of depression. You're functional enough to continue school. not what you want but it's something.
second: figuring out bills? I'm about the same age as you and if I had to deal like crap like bills I'd be going nuts too.
third: when I get upset I lose track of chores too. My boyfriend does not have severe depression, you should see HIS place when he gets busy with work and iI'm not around (can you even walk through it???)
most importantly: you've tried tons. But there is more to try. You might hate me for saying this because you've put everything you had into everything you've tried. But there is more. Iknow you don't want to try and it's easier to give up and you want to more than anything right now.
But don't say you've tried everything. Because there IS more you can try. And therefore there IS still hope even though you can't see it yet.
I hope I haven't offended, I hope I made sense, and above all I hope you'll be able to start getting better
