yeah. i guess there isn't a lot to be done but to take it as it comes. i guess i find it hard for a number of reasons. i really don't like to feel like i need anyone. attachment kind of feels like that. it is also scary because it gives the person a power. to really affect me if they don't understand of if they respond with horror or whatever.

kinda feel like i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i don't. if i don't do therapy then i start to functionally fall apart. and if i do do therapy i start to functionally fall apart too. guess that means i need things to go real slow. i wish... i wish i was stronger.