mountainhigh, I like your way of thinking about people. I notice that if I'm out in public for a long time (like at an event) I do see that generally, there are more people that are 'good' than there are 'evil.' I'm also currently working somewhere where almost everyone is likable in some way, there are only a few troublemakers. I think it is something I just have to work on and will feel more comfortable with over time and will work on with a therapist when I can pay for it.

skymonk, interesting you should bring up PTSD, I was diagnosed with it in 2003, and when I went back for therapy in 2007, I was apparently still suffering from it. It's likely that I am on and off. But yeah, a lot of how I feel likely stems from abusive parents for one, and just a string of bad relationships over time too. I picked up a book on boundaries recently and realized that a lot of my trust issues and extreme resentment and anger at others (which rarely gets released - I don't actually act it out) is because I lack good boundaries and am so passive. I've realized that so many people have told me I'm "nice" and it's been from people who have walked all over me and I didn't know what to do about it. So boundaries is definitely something to work on. Already knowing that's a big problem has been a relief for me in some ways, and brought new anger up in other ways.

Also, what you said about being objective is really helpful. I can be sooo reactive and emotional and hypervigilante at times and think someone is attacking me when they are not. I sat back since when you first replied and tried looking objectively at situations with friends, sure enough there is one who I really shouldn't be friends with anymore, and the others are just friends in off-times or going through their own troubles that day but are usually really helpful and friendly. It's helped me make peace within quite a few times already and feeling a bit more stable.

But yeah, I think therapy again is a solid solution. Even though I'm figuring some things out on my own, it is overwhelming to see such huge things to learn looming overhead. I can't repair my boundaries on my own, and need someone neutral to talk to about how angry I am and the abuse I've dealt with.