I think sannah had it right in another thread, do you think you haven't emotionaly seperated from your father? Yes loosing parents is painful but it seems you are stuck...a father, or mother would wish us to continue to live our adult life ... perhaps the cutting is trying to cut the dependent emotional connection? perhaps yoru trying to find that same dependency with T and his not quite filling the role? which of course he wont? perhaps you need to do some real deep work here on the connection with your father and then you will be able to enjoy your husband and your adult life? none of this is saying you shouldn't be griefing..but I do pick up a emotional dependency here...ok pass me the tin hat.