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More drama. I got worse.
Read over a bunch of the records/memos/comments of phone calls about my termination and post- and am devastated. Have read previously, and just again a couple of days ago. From something sunrise wrote, I looked anew at things. God I had no idea how what I did it might have come across.
The way I was treated stripped me of my dignity. Not just termination, but thereafter. There was some minimal conatct via phone and mail. But according to the records she didn't even open some stuff I sent--I had not gone overboard. Being shut out with “my lawyer advises me…” is so hostile. That approach could be hostile—against me, or defensive--to protect her from what she might have done.
It wasn’t just T--she consulted widely. I don't know why they cut me off so abruptly like that, but it would seem if she feared me as too obsessed/stalker-ish, that after knowing me for 13 years that it wouldn't need to be so abrupt. And wouldn't it be counter-productive to tick someone like that off so coldly, absolutely, abruptly? ? If it’s because she/they determined she’d been inappropriate somehow—a reason for inability to remain objective statutorily defined here—would they want to tick me off in that case, too?
I just emailed a friend from grad school across the country. We found out we had the same T--we were in the same dept. and she became a big sister to me. I'm looking for that T. He’s the only safe thing I know in this world to help me right now. I'll fly to see him for a few days if he’ll have me. I'm so bad off. My thoughts are turning very violent. I’m spiraling.
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