I need to get my damned phone back before I can phone any helpline. It's so *******ed frustrating!! I need to get hold of them somehow.. Maybe I'll get my bf to ring up victim support for me and get them to phone me.. Idk, I'm terrified.. i mean.. I'm scared of just playing it down.. Loads.. I don't want to do that because they share info with the police I believe, because they're linked with the police.

I want to do something about "The Adoptive Brother" because he's ruined my life.. It's been 7 years since and I remember my bf telling me how his uncle got done for a rape he'd never committed 8 years after him and his wife split up and it allegedly happened, so.. That's what makes me want to do it even more.. I mean, I wouldn't want to do it now, no.. Because one the police would probably not believe me, because of these other rape cases, and two I'm struggling to cope with this one as it is.. I don't need that on top of it..

No, I have no-one close that I can fully open up to anymore.. Even my cbt worker, whom I'vebeen seeing for over a year.. I can't even open my heart out to him to tell him how I'm feeling, pour out my feelings and cry and such.. No-one at college, none of my therapists have ever seen me cry. Ever.

I can't take it anymore. I really can't. My cpn's not helping me, she's just making me worse, I never want to see her.. I know I should see a psychologist or Psychiatrist, but nobody will ever listen.