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Hi Hanging on - Ok well I'm scared of all germs, but AIDS the most.
I'm not worried about any other disease, obviously I don't want any, but I'm not thinking about them.
I'm not worried about dying from AIDS, I'd kill myself if it ever happened, but I am worried about giving it to someone else and I'd never feel clean again.
All the other germs - it's more like I just don't feel clean, then I feel uncomfortable and anxious until I can get clean again.
I hate going outside, because I have no control or I worry I'll get stabbed with a needle and there are so many germs and other people. Although I do feel totally safe when I'm with my psychologist, I don't sit down when I see her, but I feel ok there.
I've been trying since 31/10/06, but I just can't seem to move forward, I don't want to stop washing my hands so much, because I need to do that, I just don't want all the anxiety.
Ah right I get it, but you still wear gloves a lot, it's pretty cool that you can work in a hospital now. I tried to volunteer at a hospital - I thought if I tried something pretty hard for me, I'd be fine, my old psychologist said it was like flooding therapy - but it could work. It just went so wrong, I was really scared and I felt all contaminated, and the woman that was interviewing held her hand out, and I had to tell her I don't shake hands - she totally changed and I didn't get the job.
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