I posted about this in one of the other forums. The doctor wrote orders for hospice to come in for my Mom. I know she's terminal. Well, my head knows she's terminal. My heart is another matter. "Terminal" is supposed to mean some undefined future event. Hospice means sooner rather than later. I'm not as ready for this as I thought I was.

Been crying steadily for an hour now. No big boohoo bawling, just tears running down my face. Again, my head knows it's not only OK to, it's good to cry. The tender part of me wants it to stop hurting. That part wants it to all go away. My dad used to drink to avoid feeling. I work like demon (10-12 hour days) to avoid feeling. I want to be a mature, responsible adult and eal with this. At the same time I don't want to hurt. I want to run and hide.

Sorry, I'm rambling....

The truly sucky part of this is that my mom is the one I always used to turn to when life hurt. I'm blessed that Mom and I can talk about what's happening and how we each feel about it. It's not the same somehow though.

aw *crud* (and that's not the word I really want to use!) I'm crying too hard to see the keyboard anymore

people I need hugs... PLEASE