How are you feeling today? I thought about you alot and was hoping you felt a little more peaceful. I was also thinking I remember 18 and I had this teacher that I loved so much she was like a mom/sister to me. She would talk to me and i would call her at hr house and we would talk. I loved being with her because she made me feel special and cared about and loved. I wanted to be with her alot. I remember when she stopped calling me and returning my calls I didnt find out until years later she did this for a good reason not anything for me or about me but because of her sexual orientation and what people began to say. I never knew she was gay and she never did anything to me. The point is when she stopped it hurt so bad. (she apoligized since then for the way she did this) but I thought I would die or kill myself and how could I keep going when this love was gone. It hurt like hell. When your 18 things are way different then when your 20 or when your 30.
No matter what happens with this therapist and I know you love her and she has given you that sense of security and love and attention....there will be others that will do the same for you. Thats the good thing about life and people you will see as you grow older and more world savy is that there is not just one person in this world that can love you care about you and you them. No matter what anyone says about you being to dependent to whatever with your therapist I want you to know that sometimes expecially at your age that happens when you have been hurt by people you grab onto whatever anchors you to the world. So dont feel as if you are broken or in the wrong for your extreme care of her. Most of us have a few more years of living under our belts and we can see things that at 18 we may not have been able to and we have had enough life eperiences to be able to do things different. I dont want you to take a huge amount of self blame. OK?
Things may work out with this therapist. and you will have the benifiet of seeing how somtimes this happens in any relationship and how to repair and learn from it. It may not and if not remember it wont end the world and you will find other people to help and soon the pain will go. It took a while for me to get over that with my teacher and i had the benifiet of being moved in and out of foster homes and saying goodby tons of times. It really really hurt and I blamed me. It had nothing to do with me and even if it had I was so young it would have been unfair for people to judge.
You matter to this world and one day when you older you will look back and see this as just another chapter in your life. You may even have kids and a wife and your heart will be happy and safe and loved and you will be ok. I promise you this that your therapist isnt the only person in the world that will come in your life and help you feel safe and loved and valued.
This may not make much sense but I am telling you this because I care and i want you to be ok and safe. I have my newly formed 18 year old nephew living here and he never listens to me and well I see that you are light years ahead in that area. OK? Tell is how you are. OK?