No, its not just about not having someone special in my life. I know that relationships or marriage is tough and dont always work out, but it would of been nice to have been given that chance at least. I have been alone all my life- beaten to a bloody pulp by my father and told i would never amount to anything-finally went to live with my mom when i was 11, just to be abandoned at 15 and pretty much been taking care of myself since. Every man who has entered my life since just threw me away. My last relationship i had, I thought i had found the person i would spend the rest of my life with. We had such a great relationship,he made me feel i was so loved. we didnt fight or go thru any bad times, one day he out of the blu he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. It was devastating-me at 37 and him at 45, i felt like this was something out of high school! then i realized when he left me was when my money ran out! he also got a huge promotion at work, it felt like since his financial situation improved, he no longer needed me. I think this was the final straw,this was my breaking point. I have always been able to pick myself up and move on, but this time i cant. I will never trust anyone again. I dont have friends or family close by, and i have done every type of hobby you can think of to get thru each day, it just feels like i have no purpose here except to just be alone and try to get thru to the next day. What kind of life is that-pathetic and pointless. a lifetime of loneliness and depression that never goes away, I just cant do it anymore.