thank you all so much for the hugs, guys . i am still pretty new and it surprises me (and makes me glad!) about all the wonderful support i've received here.

joining a support group sounds like an excellent idea. i will try to look into it. the new year is probably a good excuse to start .

thank you for those practical suggestions, madisgram. i know i know i know i need to get back into exercise. my life was a lot more under control when i was running each day.
i know my friends care about me a lot, i think it's the depth of my depression that leaves them overwhelmed. as my gp said "it's a life threatening illness". it must be scary for my friends to confront that, and i want to protect them from that too.
re: meds. my pdoc has discussed me trying lithium when he gets back from leave, so i guess that is something to look forward to with hope.