Pinksoil you will feel your grief and feel it HARD for awhile. There is no way out but through, right? Just try to keep yourself safe. Try not to cut and take your emotion out on yourself, I know you have done well just keep trying. It is hard to lose a parent that you are close to. So hard. It's a damn lot of work to go through the grieving process and unfortunately there are no shortcuts. It's a road we all must travel at some point and a painful one for those of us who have felt that love and connection. My sympathies again.