I think the phenomenon of women giving away parts of ourself is widespread and not confined only to women who have been abused physically or emotionally.

I was not "abused" in any way that I can think of by my long-ago husband or recent X. No T's have suggested that abuse was part of the equation. When I suggest that I gave away parts of myself, I am told that it is part of normal compromise in a relationship.

But I think that women are socially conditioned to be the ones who -- as you are doing now Tomi -- keep the peace, give in, adjust, diet, dress to please men, wear shoes that ruin our feet and later our joints. Has any man ever worn anything as uncomfortable as a girdle? A bustier? When men give up a job for their family, it's a huge deal. What a guy.

I don't know where the proper boundaries are. I really don't.