my mum died suddenly a few years ago - I used to ring her on and off but always on the holidays and birthdays - it sucks doesnt it when you cant talk to them anymore -

my dad died a few months after - his death was expected - cancer - but i remember he used to send me flowers every year for my birthday - i miss seeing them - it reminds me he is gone - for all that he did he was still my dad, its hard to miss someone - they leave a hole in your soul -

my year stops in sept - thats when she died - oct her birthday, nov his, and the anniv of my straw breaks the camels back moment - dec my birthday when i still dont get cards from them - go figure then its christmas and the new year when i wont hear from them or be able to ring them -- I talk to them in my head (well you already knew i was crazy ) I have a picture of my mum near the front door so i see her when i come in - she's smiling at me and i know she would want me to survive just like your dad would want you to survive,

it hurts so much and its only right that it does, try to think of happy memories - I know its hard but it sometimes helps - I am so glad you have your mum, maybe talkingwith her or visiting if thats possible? would help -take care of yourself P7 (I hoep you get in touch with your T soon - )