Quote:
Originally Posted by pinksoil
It is true that my father was the person that I was most connected with. To say I don't have a connection with anyone else in my life except T seems like a pretty off base considering you wouldn't know that I have a husband and quite a few friends. I don't know why people think that my feelings are so beyond grief-- I lost the person in my life whom I was the closest to. I did not have a mother/daughter bond. My mother has been mentally ill my entire life. There is no way to balance grief when you lose the person you were closest to; the person you knew longer than anyone in your whole life-- it doesn't matter if you have 2304832 other connections-- nothing fills that hole.
Which I have done. I also have a very strong connection with my work and my schooling. I continue to work on my degree, form new relationships people from my doctoral cohort, be with my husband, etc. I didn't stop my life, I didn't withdraw-- but, like I said, nothing is going to fill that emptiness.
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((((((((PINK)))))))))
Your other post regarding your past educational experience--dropping out of community college repeatedly (due to problems), and then to getting your Masters and currently enrolled in a PhD--is inspiring. Having similar past problems in college myself, I know how difficult that had to be. I'm also really glad that your going to be a psychologist, as we REALLY need good ones right now. There's lots of people hurting right now who need someone that truly can understand. When you've been there yourself and overcome it, your insight has REAL meaning. It won't be canned goods when it comes from you.
In one respect, it's a good thing that no one can "fill the hole" left behind when someone we are close to dies. It means that they were a unique individual, and that no one can take their place. No one can take your father's place because he was special. It's comforting, but also very sad. What suggestions would your father give you at a time like this? What would he say to do under these circumstances?
Personally, I'd try working on quality friendships with people (vs. quantity). Strengthen bonds. We should always have more than one person we can count on in times of need (and even to just pass the time with). Maybe you can try again to break through that wall that your mother has erected. I'm not sure of your situation there, but don't quit trying different angles. People can and do grow over time, and even if she hasn't, it couldn't hurt to try. At least, that's what I would do in your situation.
I'm not sure if that was helpful at all, but I hope there was some value to it. Hang in there Pinksoil.