thank you all so much for replying, and also for making me feel welcome here.

wanttoheal & bipolar bear - those suggestions are great. taking a friend is a good idea, because i think i'll need someone to help me after the event, and i would feel safe knowing she was waiting for me. i am not sure about something small to take - i can't really think of anything, but it is a good suggestion. i will try to come up with something. i think music helps me to dissociate more, so i think i should avoid that. but i hope it's a useful suggestion for someone else.

i will also ask my pdoc about some anxiety meds... i didnt know they made these, what a relief if there is something that would work!

suzy - you're so lucky that your T came with you! i don't have a T now, but when i did he said he couldn't come with me because that would be crossing his boundaries. i hadn't asked him to come, but he said he wished he could have, but he was my psych and so it wasn't appropriate for him. i think the psychs over in Australia seem a lot more rigid in their rules than those from other countries?

multipixie - maybe we can gather up our courage and do it together? i hope some of the suggestions here have been useful to you, too.