Quote:
Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled
\ T asked me to sit with my fears and try to figure out what they say is going happen...Well I did, and oh my, I didn't realize just how many I had. I don't even know where they came from  . I don't know when or how they emerged. It's crazy! I am crazy...With all those fears how the hell have I been living  ??? I haven't. And I am so frustrated with myself right now. How can T possibly help someone with an entangled mess of fears that need to be counted on more than 2 hands??? I promised T and my GP I wouldn't______but I did...I have been. What is she going to think??
I am still questioning the process, but I know I need T right now. My mind is going in circles now... Sorry I just needed to get some thoughts out.
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I thought I wouldn't SURVIVE the first few (many?) months of therapy...it was so, so, impossibly hard to begin to face all of the things I had spent my life running from, to realize that my list of fears could be counted on my fingers and toes and there would still be some left (
), to learn to ask for and receive help, to recognize that I had BIG needs that had never ever been met....it was such an upheaval, I couldn't imagine ever feeling better.
T told me to trust the process. I asked him how going and seeing him would help with all of that, and he said that he had so much faith in the process because he had seen it work so many times. He told me he would hold onto the hope FOR me, since I couldn't do it myself.
I couldn't figure out any other options - besides continuing to live in the sort of half-alive way that I had been living and that was making me physically sick - so I just went, and forced myself to take risks and to be as honest as I could.
Things aren't perfect now, but they are already better than I ever could have imagined they would be. You will get there too. It's hard, and slow-going...but totally worth it.
((((((((((((((((((((lifelesstraveled)))))))))))))))))))))))
