I sent him an email and have heard nothing at all yet. I apologised for seemingly nagging but said that I need my phone because a lot of important people are trying to get hold of me, like my Mum, who's very ill and my step Dad, who could be dead in a week.

I can't help but feel guilty for not being able to go and see them both.For not being able to afford it, on top of living on my own and having to pay for food and rent etc. and forConnor not asking his dad to take us to see them. Does he not realise how important my Mum and step Dad are to me? I wantt o show them that I do care, that I do want to see them and that I do love them.. Because I do.. And.. 17 years is a hell of a long time to make up for, don't you think? I want to see them as much as possible.. But yet, I can't afford it, I don't like asking ym mum for money, or anyone else for that matter, and I fear that the next time I see them, one of them could be dead.. The reason i fear my Mother would be dead is because she had to fits within the space of about half an hour, on the phone to me and my step Dad.. He's in and out of hospital having all sorts of tests and such done and isn't allowed to drive because there's something very wrong with him recently.

*cries* i don't want another person that I'm just getting close to, dying.. It'[s not fair!