the pain's too real. it's all i can remember, all i can feel. it's pathetic and messed-up... but it's how it is. it doesn't end, it just numbs sometimes... and that's pathetic too. i can't trust for anything to change when nothing has yet, nothing can give me relief now, and the future only holds more difficulty and uncertainty than ever - just one certainty, and that is the certainty of continued, stifling struggle.

everything's just stalling the inevitable, and prolonging the pain... i had tried to put the thought away but the past few years i've just known it... someday, now or later, i'll complete. it's the only place all this can lead to... i feel like i can't escape it, and only wish death would come in some other way, but know it won't.