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it sounds to me like you are feeling really bad and don't know how to deal with it. i am sorry you are going through this and don't know what to do.
sometimes when i feel big feelings and don't know what to do i go and hit my bedpillows, hard - over and over and over until i get some of the unhappy energy out of myself
when the pain is bad sometimes i want to hurt others or myself. it is not ok to actually hurt someone over bad feelings. we all feel like hurting sometimes but it is not ok to hurt yourself or hurt any other living thing.
some people draw or do something active to get those feelings outside of themselves. they run or pound modeling clay or chop wood.
i wish i could help you today, all i can really do is say i am listening and you can email me if you wish to talk. i do care.
leslie and her pixies
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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