I don't know if i even care about the meds. I know I haven't been on the Paxil long enough or consistently enough for it to make much of a difference. And, so far, the only difference I've noticed since taking the Paxil is my creativity or need for it, is coming back, a little.

I figured he'll probably tell me if I don't stop and refuse rehab, he won't prescribe the Paxil anymore and that really doesn't bother me. I'm also afraid that if i try applying for disability, he may not back me up. Which is fine, I suppose. I'm in the process of seeing if I can work for myself and if I can do so on a consistent manner, anyway.

I don't have anyone really, to look after me and that's fine too. Maybe i'm just being a defiant baby or something but I really don't see why it's such a big deal. It pisses me off that they want me to quit the only 2 things that seem to make my currently pathetic life bearable. I'd like to take away some of the things they find to be enjoyable in their lives and see how they feel.

I think the only reason why they want me to give up the caffeine and marijuana is because they're chemicals and not prescribed. And, since they're not prescribed, they don't get nice little kick backs or whatever the drug companies and their reps give them to push their legal crap.