oh honey .

i think you edited while i was posting - i didn't see your answer, but nice try!

you are being brave, brave, brave by being open about it here with us. i understand your fear, but a therapist is trained to deal with that also, and can help you. my pdoc - when i talk to him about "the second one" - he helps to contain it. sometimes, if he is worried that i might act on it because of what we have spoken about - he will ask me to promise that i will call him if they get too much to bear, and that he will keep me safe afterwards. he has promised me he won't put me in hospital (something i am afraid of) so i know i can call him without fear.

but most of the time, just the act of talking about it, helps me get rid of those thoughts. and also, when someone talks with you about them - they might have a perspective that will help you fight them in the future. they might point out things that you havent seen yet, and that can help drive them away.

i would encourage you to talk to your T about it on monday, sweetie. if you need extra support after talking about it, to help keep you safe, then we have services here in australia that can help with that. your T will be able to link you up to some of them. if you need someone before monday, you can give lifeline a call? i used to volunteer for them and they are very caring people. or pm me anytime, i'm happy to chat also.

xo deli