When I reached the point a couple of months ago when I "knew" the effect it would have on the people around me, but the pull of it was stronger than knowing that effect - it really scared me and I did talk to T. I really let it go on too long before opening the conversation with him, it was a huge mistake and it was hard to come back from.

On the other hand, I have talked to T about those thoughts before they reached that point at times in the past, and it actually really helped. He didn't freak out or get angry or call 911 or anything. He just calmly listened and asked questions and helped me get to the bottom of why I was feeling that way. And just that - being heard - diffused them enough that I was able to kind of crawl out of the hole.

The time I DIDN'T talk (as I mentioned in the first paragraph) it was a big mistake. I ended up really scaring me and T, and almost ended up in the hospital. I hated that I made T feel scared, and I hated how close to the edge I was.

I think talking on Monday is a good idea. A GREAT idea. And until then, we can listen....but if you start to feel really unsafe, I hope you will call the T on call. That's why they are there...and I want you to be able to look back on this and think "whew, that sucked, but I'm glad I'm STILL HERE"