 hi llt, i did the same thing all my life til i got the help i needed. it took an enormous amount of my mental energy to hide the fact i felt so bad and different. i am amazed at your courageous spirit and your ability to write us how you truly feel. don't apologize for what you wrote...you are seeking support that you truly deserve. keep us posted. we care about you. 
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
|