I really love your recap lol. You described it so perfectly. I actuallly gdo have a God box....hmmmmm. A frend of mine and her boyfried prayed together before sex the first the first time.That cracked me up and I said I pray TO have sex LOL. You're definitely right, I shouldn't have to do it alone. However I don't even think he's in to ANY kind of intimiacy in that way. I would feel weird asking him to do that when he's not even into it for himself. Thats part of the problem...wanting to please him. I've talked to him about it here and there. Last time we talked about it he ssaid he knew its important and e'd work on it. That was a few months ago. Its gonna be time for me to bring it up again just to see where he's at with it. Didn't want to bring it up before the trip. Now we're back and life is getting back to "normal".

I see TT oops just one T there lol. Anyway, see her today. She has helped me SO MUCH in relation to my self esteem. When I first went blind I felt sooooo useless. I couldn't be here anymore and jPC was such a huge part of my life. And then I could no long er go out with bf on our little dates, couldn't help him relax, couldn't gook dinner etc. T and sponsor and friends have helpeped me see that I haven't lost the part of me that bf feell in love with.

He fell in love with me at meetings. I didn't always look good or sound good in meetings and that wasn't on a social level. He fell in love with me because of my program and my attitudes and my sense of humor etc. I don't kneed to see to hae those qualities.

So anyway, the lack of sex is no longer affecting my self esteem like it was, its just plain old lust now lol. I'd had the blind fold idea before.....maybe it would be cool if we both couldn't see lol. I can't wait to experience blind sex haha. I use a headphone with Levi when bf is home haha. Even though he's sleeping I wouldn't want him to hear this stuff.

The worst part of this was before I had started to deal with it, and I understood why people cheat.....oh that made my heart sick. I'm not a cheater but could sure understand why people do. So glad we've talked about other ways to be "intimate" no involving sex. So that I know in my heart again that he loves me and scherishes me. He takes such amazing care of me in every other way. I know this will be ok some day.....just might rant here when I'm going out of my mind with desire for him LOLOLOL.