Thank you, bebop, for your response!

still trigger warning...

I spent most of last night listening to Pavarotti and Robert Windpony...
Grieving with no serious flashbacks after the initial shock. I'm grateful for it.

Walking through many memories can be comforting in ways.
Memories surrounding gruesome events, but there were also memories of the intensity of the situation and how it forged a closeness between all of us.
We would not have stayed functional without that feeling of having our backs covered while covering the backs of others.
It's something you never forget, and something you will never have with anyone else...

I feel so sad and bland and numb and angry and sad all over again...
My heart remembers Charley holding on to me while I puked my guts out...first time of caring for a crispy critter...napalm makes for some nasty crap...it seeps into the pores of the skin and the smell of the rot and infection that comes along with it. Kinda bad and ya never forget it.
Ya never forget it was a jet jockey over shooting and hitting our guys...
Charley told me I was allowed one puke and that was it. And it was.

I wanted to have a tribute of sorts, but there are no words...and it wasn't just Charley, either. It was a whole group of people, much like the group hug emoticon, working and playing together.
When one of us starting coming apart, we held them up or allowed ourselves to be held up.
Give and Get.

It transfers into real life and also here at PC...if someone is willing to accept it.
Give It-Get It.
How little importance we can place on the words of care and encouragement given to the hurting one.
Some refuse to hear while others grasp and won't let go...
Payoffs for some; relief for others.

Strange thoughts from a tired and aging mind, I know.
Oh Well.

I'd like to shout out the full name of Charles Lee *****, but obviously I will honor his right to some anonymity.

"Remember this man, world! He was loyal and funny and good, and a privilege to know him. Smart and dependable and sought out the worst cases 'cause he could handle it..."
Until he came home and couldn't forget.
We had one male nurse who we thought was cold but polite. He never accepted our invitations to get drunk, always preferring to read...yep, read about how much Darvon you could take to die and not be a veggie if it wasn't enough...we never found out if he was a corpse or a veggie. poor man.

sorry, one memory is bringing on others
good--bad--in between
center of all of them is a solid foundation of love

Cap