I am calmer now, sort of stumbling along, picking up the pieces, of my slight sucidal breakdown, late nights are never good for me, if I don't keep myself busy. Yes, home, define that for me, because I don't understand it. Doesn't help matters that everytime I look at my calender the impending therapist appointment for tuesday stares me right in the face, I think I am going to take it down for now..

*sighs* just..feels like something is missing, like I am missing something, I know I am missing alot of things, sanity, a childhood, innocence, stability, the usual list, but it is something diffrent, then those, a new feeling I can't describe, but, it is this lost, missing feeling.. and it hurts, but in a numbing way..

Just feels like I am walking around in circles in my mind, passing the same catcus in the desert, the same old tree in the forest, over and over and over...