Okay.. so I'm kind of asking for some advice I guess. I'm not sure how to talk to my T about a lot of things that go on in my life. I'm kind of afraid, horribly afraid of being judged, and that I might be sent away, whether to a hospital or just out of therapy. I've started slowly, I shared some things about my childhood. I was abused, and my T was the first person I talked about it with in years, and we haven't really talked about it since, so it's still hurting me. The thing is, I don't know how to bring it up. I have GAD, and I get nervous and my face gets red, and I get scared. It's not just the abuse that I need to talk about though, it's other things. I have some very self destructive thoughts, and I'm kind of stuck in a pit of self loathing that I can't seem to share with her. I get nervous because when I first started therapy, I had to fill out a questionnaire thing, and it asked all kinds of questions about me. I lied on many of them because I wasn't comfortable enough to share yet. I don't know how she'll react when I say that I lied about it, and the thought of telling her makes me even more nervous. I need to tell her about past issues of mine, things that still hurt me, and I just don't know how. Is it because I need a new T? Or because I'm just being overly shy and cautious? Does anyone else have such a hard time opening up? I feel like I need to do it soon, because my depression is becoming so overwhelming and consuming that my self destructive thoughts are worse than they have been in a very long time. I just can't seem to get it out. I'm hoping that the new year will bring some positive changes for me, so the first step will be to be honest with my T. If anyone has any ideas that they could share with me, it would really help. Sorry for such a long post.

-Ella.